Malam nie aku datang ofis... Siapkan kerja-kerja dokumentasi. Memang bosan. Well, nak buat macam mana, dah memang kerja aku...

. . .

Aku tak boleh terima, dua malam yang lepas aku menajalinkan hubungan sulit dengan rakan ofis aku sendiri. Gila tak gila. Semuanya berpunca dari aku sendiri. Dan mungkin dengan dia sendiri. Aku memang suka si Azrol. Baik dan lemah lembut orangnya.

Aku sedang pening kepala nak menyelesaikan kerja-kerja ofis. Tension sungguh. Telah begitu lama aku meninggalkan blog ini. Terbengkalai. Akhirnya aku ber'kuasa' untuk menyambungnya kembali... Aku tak tahu dari mana datangnya 'kuasa' itu...

Aku masih "berjalan" kesorangan di dalam kegelapan, tiada pimpinan dan panduan... AKu masih mencari jalan pulang... masih belum ku temui lagi... buntu...

Aku masih mencari dan mengenal diri... siapa diri aku yang sebenar... hidup di dalam dunia kepura-puraan... lakonan... drama... hipokrit... bull shit... Kengkadang tu aku terfikir, sampai bila kehidupanku terus sebegini... tanpa penghujung... tanpa batasan... tanpa sempadan.. gila... argghh...

Di saat ini aku keseorangan... dan masih keseorangan... tiada pimpinan... tiada panduan... masa depanku terlalu kabur dihadapan... apa yang kulihat cuma kabus tebal terbentang dihadapanku...

Aku masih keseorangan...
Mungkinkah kutemui jalan pulang suatu masa nanti?...

Life suck...

Terima kasih kepada komen Azam Mohamad. Sorrylah kerana aku dah jarang mengemaskini blog ini. Bukan apa, live aku sekarang semakin abstrak. Kisah-kisah jantan aku nak lupakan buat sementara waktu. Aku nak lupakan segala relationship yang mungkin akan develop mahupun telah establish. Sebabnya:

1. Aku semakin sibuk dengan kerjaya aku kerana syarikat aku dilanda "political crysis".
2. Di luar waktu kerja, aku sibuk dengan study aku. Aku ambil kelas English untuk improve aku punya language. Aku plan nak further my study to oversea. England maybe. Insya-Allah.
3. Kebelakangan ini juga, aku kena beri tumpuan pada Family aku di kampung sebab orang tua aku semakin uzur. So, aku sering pulang ke kampung dan hampir-hampir tak ada sosial life.

So, i hope you'll understand of my situation now. Kalau ada cerita yang benar-benar menarik, I'll update this blog. Kalau tak de cerita pun, aku cuba mencuri masa untuk mengemaskinikan blog ini.

sekian, terima kasih.

Beautiful Maria Of My Soul
Soundtrack: mambo king
Singer: Los Lobos
--------------------------

In the sunlight of your smile
In the summer of our life
In the magic of love
Storms above scattered away
Lovers dreaming in the night
Reaching for paradise
But as the dark shadows fade
Love slips away
On an empty stretch of beach
In the pattern of the waves
Drawing pictures with my hand
In the sand, I see your face
Skipping pebbles on the sea
Wishing for paradise
Sand castles crumble below
The restless tides ebb and flow

Listening to a shell
Hoping for your voice
Beautiful maria of my soul

Though we'll always be apart
Locked forever in a dream
If I ever love again
Even then, nothing will change
And the taste of you remains
Clinging to paradise

But a the distance from your grows
All that my heart ever knows
Hunger for your kiss
Longing for your touch
Beautiful maria of my soul
Filling all my nights
Haunting all my days
Beautiful maria of my soul

Lagu ini mengingatkan aku pada sebuah novel Nizam Zakaria yang berjudul Potret. Novel tersebut memang menyentuh perasaanku.

. . . . .
Artist: Pink
Song: Family Portrait
-------------------------------

Uh, uh, some deep shit, uh, uh

Momma please stop cryin, I can’t stand the sound
Your pain is painful and its tearin' me down
I hear glasses breakin as I sit up in my bed
I told dad you didn’t mean those nasty things you
said

You fight about money, bout me and my brother
And this I come home to, this is my shelter
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, you’ll see
I don’t want love to destroy me like it has done
my family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

Daddy please stop yellin, I can’t stand the sound

Make mama stop cryin, cuz I need you around
My mama she loves you, no matter what she says
its true
I know that she hurts you, but remember I love
you, too

I ran away today, ran from the noise, ran away
Don’t wanna go back to that place, but don’t have
no choice, no way
It ain’t easy growin up in World War III
Never knowin what love could be, well I've seen
I don’t want love to destroy me like it did my
family

Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do anything
Can we work it out? Can we be a family?
I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don’t
leave

In our family portrait, we look pretty happy
Let’s play pretend, let's act like it comes
naturally
I don’t wanna have to split the holidays
I don’t want two addresses
I don’t want a step-brother anyways
And I don’t want my mom to have to change her
last name

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
Let's play pretend, act like it goes naturally

In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Mommy I’ll do
anything)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
Let's play pretend act and like it comes so
naturally
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)
In our family portrait we look pretty happy
(Can we work it out? Can we be a family?)
We look pretty normal, let's go back to that
(I promise I’ll be better, Daddy please don't
leave)

Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Turn around please
Remember that the night you left you took my
shining star?
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Daddy don’t leave
Don't leave us here alone

Mom will be nicer
I’ll be so much better, I’ll tell my brother
Oh, I won’t spill the milk at dinner
I’ll be so much better, I’ll do everything right
I’ll be your little girl forever
I’ll go to sleep at night
. . . . .

AKu kini benar-benar merindui adikku Hairie. "Hairie, abang merinduimu...!!!"...